After
by Charlie1201
Summary: The aftermath of Olivia's abduction by the Beast. *Season 14 - Her Negotiation Post Ep*


"Are you okay?"

If she heard that question one more time Olivia was certain that she was going to snap. Everyone looked at her as though she might fall apart at any moment, they spoke softly and smiled sympathetically and she hated it. She sat in the crib, not ready to go home. Home. It didn't feel like home anymore, not since…

She had struggled to sleep there, spending more and more nights in the crib, not that she slept much no matter where she was. Sleep was interrupted on a regular basis by nightmares, the constant reminders of what _he_ had done to her. Each slap, punch, kick, burn and touch replayed over and over again preventing her from sleeping, preventing her from moving on.

She had returned to work two weeks ago and although they weren't doing it intentionally, her colleagues were driving her insane. Nick was reluctant to leave her side, quick to pounce if a perp or even victim got too close to her. Amanda kept a distance, often offering coffee or food but saying little. Fin offered constant support, sometimes smothering support, he and Munch had kept a close eye on her, frequently asking if she was okay or needed anything. Cragen had spoken to her, asked if she was sure she was ready to return to work and told her that he was there if she needed anything but he had left her alone, more so than any of the others.

"_**You can end this here. You can go, I won't say anything-" Olivia's voice shook with every syllable. Lewis had emerged from the shadows in her apartment just a few minutes before. He looked at her, smiling and shaking his head, clinging on to the gun with one hand and Olivia with the other.**_

"_**So…I could just go and you wouldn't say anything about the fact that I broke into your apartment and held a gun to your head?" He smiled widely, as though he was having the time of his life. Olivia nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat as he edged her slowly towards her bed. She needed to think, she needed a plan. Her gun was in the kitchen, why the hell hadn't she pulled it out as soon as she heard something? She glanced at the open window, he would shoot her before she got to it. **_

"_**You must think I'm stupid, you wouldn't be able to help yourself. I got under your skin, you would do anything to put me in jail." Lewis pressed his lips against the side of Olivia's head. "No, you've had a hard on for me since the second you saw me in the station," he whispered, pulling her against him until her back was flush against his chest. "Now I have one for you." **_

"Are you okay?"

She was shaken from her thoughts by Amanda's voice. "Liv?" she called, entering the crib and sitting across from Olivia.

"I'm fine," Olivia forced a smile. "What do you need?" She asked, unintentionally cradling her broken wrist. The cast was set to come off in two weeks, six weeks after it was put on.

"Emily Janus is here, she wants to give a statement."  
"What changed her mind? She was adamant that she didn't want to press charges?"

"She's had some time to come to terms with what's happened and she's realised it's the right thing to do I guess? She wants to speak to you-"  
"Me?" Olivia didn't mean to sound as alarmed as she did.

"You were the first officer on the scene, I think she feel comfortable with you. I can do it, I can tell her you're not-" Amanda sopped as Olivia shook her head. "Honestly Olivia, I don't mind doing it."

"Amanda, I can do it." Olivia snapped, she winced watching as Amanda nodded and said nothing, she hadn't meant to be so sharp. She had yet to take a victims statement, it had been two weeks since she'd returned to work and between her avoidance and her colleagues' insistence that they would do it she hadn't had to face it. "I'm sorry…" she started.

"Don't apologise, I didn't mean to insinuate that you couldn't do it…" Amanda stopped, at a loss for words. She had no idea how to help her colleague, her friend.

"I know, I know you didn't. I'll be down in two minutes, I'll take her statement and then we'll find the bastard," she forced a smile. She could do this, this was her job, she had been doing this for so long it was almost a part of her.

***  
"Are you okay?" Emily asked, she had answered Olivia's question moments before and had no reply. Olivia briefly closed her eyes, regaining her composure after she had lost her train of thought.

"I'm sorry Emily, please continue. When did you realise someone was in the room?" Olivia asked, offering a sympathetic smile, hoping Olivia didn't hate it as much as she did.

"When he… I woke up and someone was on top of me." She stopped, taking a deep breath.

"It's okay," Olivia spoke softly, "take your time."

"I woke up and he was on me… I'm a heavy sleeper and I'd been drinking…" the girl started to breathe deeply. "He was… He was pulling at my panties and I was trying to fight back."

"_**No!" Olivia cried out as Lewis clambered on top of her.**_

"He was so heavy," Emily sobbed, "I couldn't move."

_**Lewis laughed as Olivia struggled against the rope that tied her to the headboard of the bed, her legs thrashing, desperate to hit him, to harm him, to stop him.**_

"He told me that I wanted it… That I was a slut."

"_**You challenged me Detective Benson, you made this happen," Lewis whispered, his lips tracing her cheekbone as she struggled underneath him. He had his hand wrapped firmly around her throat.**_

"He said all women are sluts and this is what we deserve."

"_**You will be my greatest conquest yet," he smiled, his free hand travelling to his belt buckle. **_

"I tried to scream, but I… I was frozen."

**Olivia struggled to catch her breath as Lewis tightened his grasp around her throat. This was not happening, she would not let this happen. She tried to scream but he quickly pressed his lips against hers, swallowing the sound.**

"He said I was a good girl and that I wasn't stupid like the others, he said they fought back. I wanted to fight back, I wanted more than anything to kick or scream or do something but I just… I couldn't move."

"_**That's it keep fighting," Lewis whispered, his shit eating grin wider than ever. "I knew you'd fight back harder than any of the others, I knew it." Olivia twisted her hips, trying to lift her legs. She was starting to panic, starting to freak out. This wasn't going to happen. She wouldn't let it happen. **_

"_**That's it baby, don't let me down," Lewis laughed, knowing there was no way that she could hurt him as he sat on top of her. **_

"And then…" Emily covered her face with her hand as her emotions took over.

"It's okay," Olivia whispered, barely able to speak. She swallowed the lump in her throat and reached out, placing her hand over the younger woman's.

"He did it… He raped me…" Emily broke down, unable to continue, unable to deal with what had happened to her. Olivia closed her eyes, praying that she could hold it together for a few more minutes, hoping that the tears that threatened to fall would stay where they were. This wasn't about her, this was about Emily, she could fall apart later.

She took a deep breath and stood up, she walked towards Emily and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. For the first time in her long career she didn't know what to do or what to say. She was just as lost as the young girl in front of her. Emily turned to face Olivia and reached out for her, pulling her close and using her as a shoulder to cry on, the harder she clung to Olivia the more determined Olivia was to find the son of a bitch who had hurt Emily and make him pay.

"Are you okay?" Fin asked softly, having watched Olivia interviewing Emily. She had returned to her desk just moments after Emily had left and had said nothing since. Fin had suggested that Amanda take the interview, not to even mention it to Olivia, knowing that if the girl had asked for her that Olivia would want to be there.

He had been watching her very closely over the past few weeks. He had argued with Cragen that it was too soon for her to come back to work but smiled when she walked through the door and told it her it was good to have her back.

"You did good in there," he told her, watching as she closed her eyes. He wanted to hug her, to promise her that everything would be okay but he knew it was the last thing she wanted. She wanted to be treated like everyone else, and that was what he was trying to do.

"Yeah?" Olivia asked quietly, sitting at her desk. She didn't feel like she'd done a good job, she was so caught up in her own experience that she'd almost missed vital points of Emily's story.

"Yeah, you always do," Fin smiled. He wanted her to go home, he wanted her to stay with Alex or Casey. He knew that she was pushing herself too hard, but that she wouldn't accept it if anyone told her that she was. He knew that she needed to be working, and that the second that she sat down and stopped that she thought of everything Lewis had done to her. He should have shot the bastard when he had the chance.

When he found her she was covered in bruises, and blood and cigarette burns. She was whimpering, alone in the dark, terrified that Lewis had returned. He wanted to kill him, Lewis didn't deserve jail, he deserved a slow and painful death.

Fin and Cragen went to the hospital with Olivia and Nick, Amanda and Munch had hunted for Lewis knowing that it wouldn't be long before he realised that Olivia was gone. Cragen had suggested calling Elliot right away, something Fin questioned. Elliot hadn't been in her life for more than a year, he had hurt her and he had left her without so much as a goodbye. Fin also knew that Elliot would handle Olivia's abduction badly, he wouldn't help her, he would flip out and that was the last thing that Olivia needed. He encouraged Cragen to wait and ask Olivia, and she had made him promise that he wouldn't call Elliot and to this day Cragen had kept his promise. Elliot didn't know anything about what had happened to Olivia, that was what she wanted.

"I want to canvas the university again, I know that someone must have seen something," Olivia frowned reading through her notes.

"We should talk to the roommate again, find out if anyone else has a key? How else did he get in?"

"_**I bet you're wondering how I got in here?" Lewis held the cigarette against Olivia's chest, "I thought your security would be more advanced but it was so easy," he pressed it into her skin, grinning. Tears filled her eyes as she bit her lip, struggling not to cry out. **_

"_**I am so impressed, you haven't screamed once," Lewis placed his hand over Olivia's breast, he dug his nails into her skin. "Maybe I need to step up my game."**_

_**Olivia said nothing. She had tried pleading with him, tried negotiating with him and he had made it very clear that his sole purpose for being there was to cause her pain. As scared as she was she was determined that she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of screaming, or crying. Someone would come, someone would save her.**_

"She said she was drunk, there was no sign of forced entry so she could have accidently left the door open?" Olivia suggested, pushing the memories of Lewis to the back of her mind. She had a job to do, she had someone to help and she wasn't going to let him stop her.

"Hey, you okay?" Nick asked, handing Olivia her coffee as they sat in the car staking out the apartment of the suspect. She took a deep breath, she wanted to scream. She was sick of everyone asking if she was okay, the honest answer was that she wasn't okay but she was trying very hard to be okay and it would be a lot easier if everyone would stop asking her if she was okay.

"I'm fine," she sighed.

"'You been sleeping?" Nick asked, staring at the bags underneath his partners eyes. He was trying to be casual, not to make it a big deal out of his worries but his concern for his partner meant that he failed.

"I've been doing my best," Olivia replied, not making eye contact. She knew that her colleagues were worried about her and Nick had been the most vocal. She understood that he cared about her, but she was getting dangerously close to telling him to fuck off.

"What about food? You been eating? You look thin-" Nick knew he sounded like a jerk, he had tried to discreetly check she was eating and sleeping but she wouldn't talk to him, she avoided his subtle questions so he had no choice.

"Nick," Olivia closed her eyes, silently counting to ten. "I know that you're worried, I am fine."

"I am… I'm worried, I just want you to be okay," he spoke softly. In the year that he had been partnered with Olivia he had learnt to trust and admire her, she was his friend and he could see that she was suffering. "You were beaten to a pulp and you came back to work two weeks later, I just-" he stopped thinking about how to phrase his next sentence, "I just want you to know that you can talk to me and that I'm here for you,"

"I know that," Olivia forced a small smile. She knew that Nick was there for her, she knew that the whole squad was there but she couldn't get through one day without one of them reminding her that they saw her differently now. She'd been abducted and beaten half to death, she'd been tortured until she prayed for death and she was reminded of it all every time someone treated her like she was going to break.

"I know your old partner-"

"My old partner would have run around like a bull in a china shop," Olivia tried not to let her sadness show. During her first night in the hospital she had cried, desperate to call him, to have him hold her and promise her that's he would be okay. She had managed to convince everyone that she didn't want or need Elliot, everyone apart from herself. Elliot had left her, he had gone without saying goodbye. She hadn't spoken to him in so long and there was so much to say, add "Hi, I'm in hospital because I was abducted by a serial rapist," to the mix and Elliot wouldn't have been able to handle it. As devastated as she was to be without him, she didn't have the energy to make sure that he was okay when she was barely okay herself.

"I just want you to know I'm here," Nick repeated, feeling helpless. Olivia nodded, and gave a less forced smile.

Don Cragen had barely slept over the past four weeks. He had been eaten up with guilt and every time he closed his eyes he was reminded of how he found Olivia. He had sent her home, warned her not to come in, warned the others not to contact her. She had nearly died because of him.

He watched as she sat at her desk, looking pale, thin and exhausted. He knew sending her home wasn't an option, she didn't want to go back to the apartment. He hoped that's he would consider moving but had yet to broach the subject with her. He had watched as she entered the crib each night, unaware that he knew that she was sleeping there. Don had thought about offering her his spare room, he had thought about saying a lot of things to her, things he had yet to actually say. He didn't know what to say to her, he didn't know how to manage someone who was so vulnerable.

"Cap," Munch entered the office after a quick rap on the door. He followed Cragen's stare.

"She doing okay?" Cragen asked, sadness etched into his face.

"She's getting there, she's seeing a councillor," he paused, "she's sleeping in the crib-"  
"I know," Cragen sighed. "You think I should tell her to go home?"

"Would you want to go to the place that you were attacked? Son of a bitch really did a number on her," Munch sat across from his boss. He had called Olivia often during her two weeks off, just to check that she was okay. On a few occasions he had dropped off groceries, unsure if she had left the house to provide for herself.

"_**John, I don't need you to check up on me."**_

"_**I know that you don't, I'm not checking up on you, I'm uh… consider it care in the community?" he suggested, watching as his friend limped back to the sofa and winced as she sat down. She was covered in cuts and bruises and her broken wrist was in a sling. **_

"_**Do you feel like pizza or pasta?" John asked rummaging through the bags.**_

"_**I'm actually not hungry," Olivia wanted to sleep, she wanted to close her eyes and rest, just for a little while. **_

"_**When was the last time you ate?" he asked, looking around the flat for evidence that's he had eaten anything at all. **_

"_**Yesterday when you were here, but it's okay I'm not hungry," Olivia had only allowed John to visit so far. She wasn't sure why, he hadn't insisted like Nick and Fin had but she knew that he wouldn't look at her like they would. She knew that out of everyone he would crack jokes and act normally. **_

_**John gripped the side of the counter as he struggled to compose himself. He had last visited Olivia's apartment three days ago and forced her to eat, she hadn't eaten since then, she didn't even realise that it had been days instead of hours. He took a deep breath and continued rummaging through the bags, "Pizza it is. It's big enough for two and I haven't eaten all day, do you mind if I stay?"**_

_*****  
**_"So why don't you tell us how you got into the apartment?" Olivia asked, two days after taking Emily's statement they had caught her rapist.

"No idea what you're talking about sweetheart," the ignorant asshole smiled as he spoke.

"I'm talking about you breaking into a room and raping a girl half your size. What's the matter? You can't get a girl the normal way? You have to rape them? Scare them into telling you that you're a stud?" Olivia could feel the anger rising in the pit of her stomach.

"I get plenty of girls darling, you don't have to worry about me."

"We have DNA placing you at the scene," Nick stepped in, sensing Olivia's change in mood. "You may as well tell us now, save yourself going through a trial only to be found guilty."

"You single detective?" the perp asked, smiling at Olivia. "I could show you a real good time-" Before he could finish his sentence Nick had him pinned against the wall by this throat. In a matter of second Cragen and Fin had entered the room and dragged Nick and the perp away from each other.

"You can't look out for yourself sweetheart? You need these men to save you from the big bad rapist? I would take you in seconds if they weren't here, I'd pin you down like I pinned that bitch down and I'd-"

Olivia punched him so hard she knocked the wind out of him. He staggered backwards, unable to complete his sentence, dragging Cragen with him.

"Are you-"

"Amanda, if you ask if I'm okay I'm going to lose it," Olivia sighed, lying on the bed in the crib, waiting for Cragen to come and suspend her.

"I was gonna say are you gonna show me how to swing like that?" Amanda smiled, sitting on the same bed as Olivia. After a few moments of silence she continued, "I'm not going to ask you if you're okay, because I know you're not okay, but that you will be. I'm worried about you, not because I don't think that you can handle what happened, but because you're handling it so well, I'm waiting for you to fall apart and I guess I need to realise it's not going to happen."

Olivia looked at Amanda, "I just punched a perp."  
"He deserved it, and if I t wasn't you it would have been one of the guys. They care about you…so much," for the first time in four weeks Amanda found her voice. She had been so unsure of what to say to Olivia, but now suddenly things changed.

"I know I haven't been easy…" Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat. She wanted to say sorry, to let Amanda and the guys know that she was grateful that they were there and that she didn't know what she would do without them but she couldn't.

"Olivia, you were kidnapped, you were beaten half to death… and you were raped," she watched as Olivia's breath hitched. "When I… When I was assaulted I wanted the ground to swallow me whole, I wanted to sleep all day and I wanted to kill the bastard who touched me. You are back at work, you just caught the rapist of a young girl who only wanted to confide in you…"

"I'm so tired," Olivia admitted as tears filled her eyes. "The nightmares…" she shook her head as the first tear fell. "I just want to feel normal again and I don't know how." For the first time in four weeks Olivia allowed herself to fall apart. Amanda wrapped her arms around her friend and held her as she cried. "You're going to be okay," she promised. "You're going to be okay."

**I'm interested to see how the episode plays out. I think it would be unrealistic for Olivia to be held for days by Lewis and not be raped as this totally goes against his usual MO. I think that Warren and the team would do this storyline great justice if it was to happen. Interested to hear what you think about the fic and the ep? **


End file.
